Forever the Victim
by Powerof923
Summary: Bex Baxter was a victim, but this was no accident. And she never told a soul. Her darkest hours are what made her the physically strong person she's known as. But mentally? "I wiped the last few of my tears and looked at myself in the mirror, I was a wreck." TO HELP CREATE AWARENESS FOR 'STOP SEXUAL ABUSE MONTH! P.S The 'deed' is not actually written. ONE-SHOT!


**YES THIS IS A REPOST! SINCE STOP PHYSICAL ABUSE MONTH IS COMING TO AN END! I WANTED TO WRITE THIS AND CREATE MORE AWARENESS FOR IT, THIS IS THE LAST TIME IT WILL BE REPOSTED!**

**Forever the Victim**

"No, seriously, who do you think is fitter without their top on," I listened as Macey talked over the lunch table. My blood started to freeze up, and I felt myself go visibly pale. But they all continued as if nothing had happened; as if I hadn't reacted. And how were they to know if I had? I was Bex Baxter, I knew how to keep a poker face on, or even better; how to create a false mask. A lie. Sometimes I felt like that's all I ever told them.

"Are, you all right Bex?" _Yes._

"You look depressed, are you fine?" _Yes._

"I'm so glad my Mum bent the rules for you to come here, Bex." _You have no idea Cammie, not one._

The volume of my class mates went down as they wait for Macey to finish her question.

"Young Leonardo DiCaprio," there were chorus of sighs around the table "or … Zac Efron." Macey said looking pleased with herself. Almost immediately, the table flew into a chorus of shouts. Many sided with one, the rest with the other. The more I heard them squabble, the more I felt sick. Now there was no doubt about it, it was too warm in here. I clenched my hands until I drew blood and looked down.

_Not here Bex, not now. _

But I couldn't help it, the memories came back like fresh tears and I excused myself and quickly left the room. They thought I was fine, like always. Once I was out of the sight of my classmates, I sprinted to the bathroom in our dormitory and locked the door. I ran over to the mirror. Nothing but my pathetic reflection stared back at me, I wanted to shout at her, yell at her, scream to her that she was overreacting, that she was being childish. That she was a fool. But I knew that anyone would cry if they were her, and so I found myself doing the only thing I could at that moment. Cry.

The red hot and salty tears streamed down my face, leaving my skin shiny and blotchy. My eyes were red and bloodshot, and my mouth raw from my sobs but I couldn't stop remembering. It happened like this, maybe twice a year, but it wasn't usually this bad. They say bad memories go away, but not this one. It haunted everything I did and it was six years ago. It wasn't like I wanted to remember it, I couldn't help it. The simplest of things would remind me of what happened and my purpose here. Everytime I got changed, I remembered, those cruel hands. I'm a girl, I get changed a lot.

Flashbacks, came back and I found myself getting pulled into the memories that I tried to forget.

* * *

_I raced upstairs and logged into my email account. One new email, from her. I smiled so widely, and furiously hit the reply link and waited for it to load. I'd been talking to her, Alice, for 6 months now through a chatroom site my friends had shown me. I wasn't stupid obviously, I didn't share any personal information, just my name, age and that I was from London. After all, London contains millions of people. I'm not the only 11 year old girl name Rebecca. We talked about anything and everything, and our conversations were now the highlight of my day. My parents didn't want me going to a normal school, they said I was special and so I couldn't be around normal people. What they meant was I'm a spy and sometimes a blabbermouth, and they don't want the risk. I had friends, of course but all of them had parents in MI6 and all we ever really talked about were, the newest security systems or new technology that could potentially make you invisible. So that's why I enjoyed talking to Alice about new things; girl things. Makeup, hair, boys and all of that normal stuff. It felt nice, normality. I read through her latest response. _

"_I love that group! Their music is so cool! I've got a test tomorrow. Grrrr. I hate my teachers sometimes! This weekend I'm visiting my cousins who live in London, perhaps we could meet up? If you're nervous, we could do it in a busy area?"_

_I was ecstatic, it would be great to meet her. I replied right away. I was so stupid. _

* * *

I clenched my hands, drawing fresh blood. I'd been so naïve and innocent when I was 11. That changed so quickly. I missed my innocence, I very quickly became someone I never thought I'd be.

* * *

"_Bye Mum!" I shouted as I walked out through the door, and down the street before catching the nearest tube to Covent Gardens. I listened to my iPod on the way there, before disembarking amongst the crowds and making my way up to the shops. We'd arranged to meet outside of Oasis, at 03:00pm. I'd been so excited, all week. I'd planned what I would wear, all the things we could do, whilst she was here. I went and stood outside of the shop and listened to music as I waited for her to appear. Anyone in this crowd could be her, it was really busy. Any doubts in my mind, of things that could go wrong, were taken away by this fact. I knew of all the horrible things that could happen by meeting through chatrooms, but Alice was different. I knew it. _

"_Excuse me," a small cough from beside me came and I turned to see a small dainty blonde standing nearby. She was wearing simple jeans, and a t-shirt with a leather jacket, her wispy hair piled onto her head in a scruffy bun. She grinned at me._

"_Are you Bex," I nodded and her grin grew in size. "Oh thank God! I thought you weren't going to turn up! I'm Alice," the girl said and I felt my heart jump around. Finally we could meet each other. Soon we were talking and it was just like all those conversations online. Everything was so easy, and effortless with her, she just seemed so relaxed. It was when we went to get hot chocolate at a nearby Costa coffee shop that there were the first signs of anything being wrong._

"_Crap!" Alice cried out next to me. I turned to face her, as the barista got our orders. _

"_I've left my purse at my cousins house," she said looking nervous. I must admit, I was a little surprised. Who goes out to shop but leaves their purse at home, but I brushed it off like it was no big deal. _

"_It's okay, I'll pay!" She looked at me with relief and we continued as if nothing was wrong. About half an hour later, we went out of the Costa and into the main street. We were wondering around when ,Alice turned to me. _

"_Bex," I nodded. _

"_Do you mind, if we go back to my cousins house and get my purse. We'll come right back … I promise. Plus, my Aunt kind of wants to meet you." She said it all really quickly and alarm bells went off in my head. She was a stranger, I couldn't go back to a strangers house. But she was so nice, and her Aunt was there. Seriously what was the worst that could happen. She could rape me? Lol, Alice couldn't do that, she was a girl! _

* * *

I cried even harder, as my memories turned from sour, to toxic. I needed to stop thinking about it before those dark hours crossed my mind in vivid detail again. The small times when it was on my mind – about once or twice a day – were just brief flashes. If I remembered them as well as I was doing now, I'd break down completely.

* * *

_The tube ride wasn't that long. But it was long enough. All the way we'd been discussing which was better Smarties, or cake – Cake sooo won – and now when I got off. I saw a place, completely different from the bustling streets of Covent Garden. Alice's cousin lived in a small terrace house, in a housing estate not from Clapham. It was quiet, but we were talking so loudly, I didn't notice. She eventually turned up a narrow garden path to a large navy wooden door. The garden wasn't kept nicely, but I didn't really mind, nowadays no-one could be bothered. She pulled a key from out of her bag and opened the door. _

_A strong smell of cigarettes hit my face, like a tsunami. I coughed, but tried to cover it up. Alice laughed._

"_Don't worry, I know it's strong. It's my cousin, he's trying to stop." I smiled, but by now I was slightly nervous. _

"_Jake, I'm here with Bex!" she shouted to the house and we entered. A large, masculine face loomed near the doorway and I smiled shyly. _

"_So you're Bex," he said with a friendly grin. I nodded back awkwardly, I could be quite shy. He smiled._

"_Don't stand there getting cold, come on in!" I smiled gratefully, it was quite chilly outside. "Do you want anything to drink?" he asked me. I stood there debating. _

"_What do you have?" I asked after a while._

"_Orange juice, Ribena …" he trailed off looking at me. I responded with Ribena before Alice pulled me back to the Living room. _

"_Stay here, whilst I get my purse," she said. She didn't seem as lively as before, now she just looked on edge. _

"_Are you okay," I said quickly, she waved her hand and nodded. _

"_Completely fine!" and she sprinted upstairs. Jake re-entered with the dark purple drink . _

"_Here you go, Bex," he said handing it to me. I raised the glass to my lips and took a large gulp, all the walking around had left me thirsty. It tasted slightly odd at first, but I brushed it off as not having Ribena in ages. I was more of an apple juice person. The more I drunk, the more relaxed I became and soon, Jake and I struck up a conversation whilst waiting for Alice. Soon, I realised, the glass in my hand was shaking uncontrollably. I stood up but quickly sat back down when a woozy sensation hit me head on. _

"_You okay," Jake laughed. "You looked funny for a second!" I laughed at his response and his impression of me. I was so happy, I couldn't stop laughing. Jake smiled at me. When I finally settled down, I tried to respond. Key word being; tried._

"_I'm … I'm aaaall risht Jake! Whatsh wrong wiith meeee!" I said giggling uncontrollably at my slurred speech._

"_That would be the rum," Jake said with a new smile. Like a Cheshire cat, I shivered. And then it dawned on my drugged brain, rum. He'd said rum. Then Alice reappeared, tears streaming down her face. _

"_Alisssse, whatsss wrong?" I asked, at which she only wept harder. _

"_Don't worry Bex. She just feels sorry for the deep shit she's about to put you through," he said, a deep growl in his throat. Suddenly Jake didn't seem so friendly. He stood up and walked over to Alice before whipping the cup from my hand. He smacked her straight across the face. She sobbed at the pain and so he hit her again. _

"_Coward!" he yelled at her. I felt my blood stop despite my racing heartbeat. "Go and drink this in the corner, bitch," Jake yelled at her and she tentatively took the cup from him before going over to the corner. She turned to look at me._

"_I'm so sorry," she whispered and in her eyes I saw she truly meant it. Suddenly I wasn't so happy._

"_Whyyyy?" I slurred back. A large, rough hand grabbed my arm and yanked me up. Jake's face sneered close to mine, the smell of nicotine so strong I wanted to puke. _

"_And don't disturb me, whilst I have my fun," he spoke to Alice, but his face was on me "I've waited months for this one." And with that he dragged me out of the room. I tried to pull away but his grip was like iron and in my drunken state, I couldn't protect myself like my parents had taught me. I screamed, and screamed until my lungs and throat burned. I yanked my arms from his hand so hard, I swear it almost broke but nothing worked._

"_Come on slut!" Jake shouted at me "I'm gonna be punishing you hard anyway, it's not as if you need it any harder!" He laughed, darkly at his own joke and I cried. Tears streaming down my face, as he pulled me up the stairs and into a dark bedroom. He threw me roughly onto the plain mattress. The minute I landed, I tried to get back up and run but he simply threw me back on the bed and planted his knee on my chest. _

"_Do you think you can escape your fate, whore?" he yelled at me "This has been your fate ever since you went on that chatroom!" He pulled his arm back, curling his knuckle and I watched with baited breathe through my sobs, as it swung forward and hit me square in the gut. I coughed, a bitter taste in my mouth and felt the pain. The heart-wrenching pain in my side, it burned and burned. And soon more places on my body burned also. Jake reached for my top and ripped it open, the buttons popping one by one. _

_He grinned. I screamed and choked up and on the lump in my throat. I prayed. But no help came that day. _

* * *

I lifted up my shirt to see the scar that Jake left on my side, it was almost gone but at first there were many like it, all over my body. He'd been violent and cruel. Most of the scars were on my back from the whipping of his belt. After two hours he finished, ten minutes later he was gone out of the house. I'd sat crying for a further hour. Eventually I left, a trembling wreck. The fear of him returning, allowing just enough numbness for me to temporarily forget the pain. I'd heard about this before, I just presumed I wouldn't experience something terrifying enough for me to feel it until I was a fully trained spy on the field. Alice was still in the corner, and when she looked at me, I could tell that not only had this happened to her before, but I wasn't the first one she'd brought back home. In that small split second, I felt sorry for her. And then pain at what she'd done to me came and I ran out of the door back to the tube station, and then to a park near my house.

I stayed there until 08:00pm. Until it was too dark and cold for me to stay out. I was damaged goods, I was stripped of every right I had. And yet I felt numbing shock. I hadn't left the house for three weeks after that. My parents had no idea, they never have. But inside, I was broken into a million pieces. What was wrong with me? What did I do to deserve this pain?

I struggled to answer. Sometimes I thought it was because I was ugly and naïve; an easy target. I'd spent many nights waking up screaming, recalling the horrible memories that plagued me still every hour of every day. I was scarred not just physically. Jakes face was everywhere, I didn't look at any boy for years after that. Whenever the topic of boys or even sex came up, I felt like breaking down at the pain, at the memory of burning and wishing the world would end. My classmates would giggle around me, like innocent virgins, I would've too. But I was damaged, and broken. And I knew the truth. How pleasures had lead the human mind to commit crimes, and I refused to be following that.

I never told anyone. Not a soul. I never even mentioned to my pillow that I'd been raped, for fear that someone would hear me. Eventually it dawned on me that Jake still lived in London, and I realised then that I had to get away. I begged my parents to send me to a school, the one their friend managed in America. After months of begging they relented and I was allowed to go. Gallagher, had acted like my rehab. I became the tough girl, every time I hit someone, or something I imagined it was Jake's face. I never drank anything but water. I focused on being the strongest I could be with the intention that one day I would murder Jake, and make it look like an accident. Ironic, that I was known as strong when I felt anything but. Eventually, I felt as healed as I could be, but still wrong.

I wiped the last few of my tears and looked at myself in the mirror, I was a wreck. Curious I went over to the laptop on Liz's bedside table. I opened it and started searching the CIA Database, a software with basic information of everyone born within the last century, everyone in Gallagher had it. Tentatively I typed in the name; Alice Higgins. The page loaded and a 15 year old photo of Alice stared back at me. She was thinner and sallow, anorexically thin but the thing that stood out most obviously was her Death date. Four months ago, and it seemed by committing suicide. But instead of feeling anger at seeing my betrayer, or happy at her death, I felt relief. Relief for her, because no matter what I'd lived through, something told me that she'd live through much worse.

I looked at my watch, I had twenty minutes until lunch ended. I eyed the bathroom for makeup to cover the tears and set to work reapplying my mask for her classmates that had no idea.

**So this, is much more serious than what I would usually write. It was based off of two things, one a video I watched in assembly about sexual abuse and the idea of chatrooms came from my long and lengthy conversations with . .xo, and to her right now, I am NOT saying that you are a rapist. It's just the idea came from that, in actual fact, I value talking to you a lot and they are one of the highlights of my day when you reply to a message you sent me. Major notice now though, the main reason this was written was because next month ( April) it is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (S.A.A.M) and I wanted to help raise awareness about this disgusting crime going on at the moment. It needs to stop.**

**To my readers who read this not because of the title, but because I wrote it, this and one other one-shot on Motor Neurone Disease are the darkest things I will ever write. I am not a fan of dark subjects but I felt these two were necessary. The MND one-shot will come in June when it is MND Awareness Month. I promise you the stories for Cammie and Zach and the rest of the gang are much happier (even Gallagher Academy: The Final Stand). You'll Never Make It On Your Own, is much more light-hearted. This, the MND and an upcoming Liz kidnapping thing from CAMMIE'S point of view are the worst and darkest I will ever make myself write and they are to raise awareness, so it's for a good cause. If something horrible has ever happened to you, I'm here to offer my friendship and comfort. Sometimes talking to a blank screen to someone you've never met is better than talking to a real person. I pray something like this never happens to any of you reading. I care about you all too much. And I will stop depressing your days now, FLOWERS AND UNICORNS AND ALL THINGS PRETTY! I need to cheer up a lot ... **

**Lots of love,**

**Powerof923 x **


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